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  • Writer's pictureKaren Bobinski

Must be nice...

We love going to Arizona

Every time we tell someone we are headed to our vacation home in Arizona, its not uncommon to get the standard "it must be nice" snide remark.

Yes....yes it is nice....and my Hubby and I have worked very hard to be able to enjoy this desert oasis. We prioritize, scrimp and save, watch our spending, do without some things to make this a priority. It is our special place where we can relax, unwind and practice some much needed self care and get a mental break.

Everyone needs a mental health break

We don't go out much. We tend to be home bodies ...I take my lunch to work daily and we don't drink or smoke...(both expensive habits). I try not to make purchases unless they are on sale, and I shop at discount warehouses and outlets.

Our children are grown and so we now have more disposable income, and after putting in nearly 50 years on this planet (53 for my Hubby)...we have paid down our debts and avoided incurring new ones. We live within our means. We can now afford the "nice" things in life.

We have both, at different times in our lives been completely broke, unable to pay our bills or buy food. so we "get it". And we spent many years without vacations, or anything beyond the necessities.

For many years, I used to be the one making the snide remark..."must be nice"....not just towards people heading out for a vacation...but for many different cars, homes, clothing, concerts, sporting events, hobbies, etc...basically to anyone who had something I didn't have ...and it triggered my inner jealousy. I was always looking over the fence instead of concentrating on the blessings I had.

Always looking over the fence

Once I realized that changing my attitude, and showing gratitude for the things I did have, the more blessings I received. I stopped saying "must be nice" and instead said "nice!" with pure heart felt kindness and love.

I focused on everything good in my life, no matter how small, and set goals for things I wanted to do, have or achieve. With a shift in my energy, mindset and attitude, I was now attracting good things into my life.

I worked hard to truly be happy for others and celebrate their wins, achievements and blessings, instead of being jealous.

Jealousy leaves you feeling insecure, fearful, angry, resentful, inadequate, and helpless. In fact, studies show that increased jealousy correlated with lower self esteem.

Understanding your jealousy will help you to constructively deal with your feelings when these thoughts arise. Working on strengthening your self esteem will help decrease your jealousy.

Attitude truly is everything. It's made a massive difference in all aspects of my life.

It has helped me to overcome depression, anxiety, self doubt, chronic illness. It has made me feel lighter, less stressed, thankful, appreciative, more loved, richer (not talking about money here), blessed, stronger, happier, more confident...just to name a few benefits.

Always count your blessings

Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, Daniel Siegel uses the acronym SIFT to describe how we can sort through our feelings of jealousy. SIFT stands for sensations, images, feelings and thoughts. By examining all of these, we can determine if this is an old wound, a family dynamic, a long held negative self perception, or a limiting belief.

Be aware of what gets triggered. What thoughts and inner critical voices do these feelings spark? Are you using these feelings to put yourself down? Is there a pattern or theme to these that are familiar? Do you feel pressure to achieve and measure yourself against others?

When these feelings arise, acknowledge them, but don't act on them. Instead, practice some deep breathing, go for a walk, remind yourself that it is your inner critic talking and replace these negative thoughts with a positive affirmation.

And when you hear someone talking about their next trip, new car, etc.... instead of saying "must be nice"......try changing your attitude...try being genuinely happy for others and bury that jealousy monster once and for all.

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